House and Wilson's Totally Awesome Trip to Mexico
by starsnuffers
Summary: House and Wilson take a trip to Mexico. But will their fun be cut short by expesive food, dirty busses, dolphins, and drunken teenagers? House\Wilson Told in House's point of view
1. Christmas Presents

**A\N: Hi! This story is based off of my trip to Mexico (told in House's point of view). Please read and review! **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only. 

**House and Wilson's totally awesome trip to Mexico!**

(HAWTAT2M)

**Chapter** **1**: **"Christmas presents"**

"It was last Christmas Eve. We were having our annual Christmas party, and as always, Wilson was getting a little _too_ into the holiday spirit…. Considering the fact that he's Jewish and all. He had completely _destroyed_ my office with stuff… Christmas decorations, balloons, and mistletoe… I mean for God's sake, how am I supposed to work in a room with Cameron and mistletoe?

Wilson was wearing those infamous reindeer ears, which make him look like a retard, and a Santa outfit. Hm… a Santa outfit, eh? Do Santa and reindeers even go together? I mean, would Santa ever wear reindeer horns? Whatever. I'm not about to begin to understand the stupid things that Wilson does.

Over by the corner, Cuddy was talking to some random ER doctors; Cameron and Chase were there too… kissing?! What?! Oh, I see. They were under mistletoe. Nevertheless, Chase _was_ kissing her… that bastard. He's so fired. 

Foreman… hm…where the hell was he? I looked around the room. No Foreman in sight. I guess he got a little too drunk and went off somewhere. Oh, well. Who cares? He was no fun anyways. 

Well, my office is ruined. I wonder who will pick up all this trash later. It certainly will _not_ be me. I'll make Chase pick it _all_ up; No one else can help… no matter what Cuddy says. _No one_ can kiss Cameron… except for me… and get away with it.

Wilson was standing over by the food table with me. I told him that he looked _horrible_, and he just shrugged it off. What a Wilson thing to do - no witty comeback. Then, we started talking about… politics? Wait… why the hell were we talking about that? That's so boring! No one just randomly talks about that. There had to be a reason as to why we were on that subject… Oh yeah. We were talking about what a horrible president we had. We both hate him very much. I think the whole world does, actually.

After we talked, I grabbed a couple of those little hot dog thingies and ate them. They were cold. Gross. Then, we sat down in two random chairs.

Cuddy was nearing us, wearing a low-cut top, of course, and she handed me an envelope. 'Merry Christmas,' she said. I took it but just stared at it. What the hell was it? 

'Open it!' she urged. So, I opened it. I pulled out two pieces of paper. What? They were two first-class tickets to Cancun, Mexico, for March. I looked back up at Cuddy.

She smiled. 'For you and Wilson,' she said. 'I'm going to let you guys have a week in March off,'

Cuddy was being _too_ nice. 'Why?' I asked. 

She shrugged. 'You need a vacation,' she said and walked away. 

I stared at the tickets. No way… no way. Was this a dream? Is it real? Cuddy is actually letting us have a week off in March? In spring? _For a spring break_? I don't believe it. I pinched myself. Ow! Ok, it's real. I gave one of the tickets to Wilson. He stared at in disbelief. 

'No way,' he said. 'But why?'

Don't know, don't care. I get a week off from here, to go enjoy myself in some beach resort, and no one can stop me. We should find some kick-ass, five-star resort. Maybe I should go look right away. Well… after the party. I still have presents to receive. Cameron, Chase, Foreman, and Wilson still need to give me something. Well, maybe not Foreman; I don't even know where he is. Whatever. He hates me so he probably just got me a fruitcake. What an ass. 

I stood up and walked with Wilson over to Cameron and Chase. The two smiled and handed me presents. Of course, I took them, and ripped them open right away. They both got me new PSP games? Sweet! Wait, how did they know these were the two I wanted the most? Maybe they're spying on me! Whatever, I could care less. As long as I have my games I'm happy.

Wilson didn't give me anything. What the hell? He always gives me the best presents. Maybe he's mad at me for getting him the worst presents all these years. But then again, where else would he get those ugly ties? I mean, he'll wear anything if it's a present… no matter how horrifyingly ugly it is. What a loser.

Wait, never mind. He did give me a present. I got a… decorative pillow? What? 'Wilson! A pillow? Seriously?' I screamed at him, holding my pillow. 

He nodded. 'It will look great on your couch.' He said. 

Oh… It. Is. ON! I should go to Dillard's or something and find the absolute _worst_ tie I can. Maybe I can get a pink and yellow striped tie specially made. 

I frowned and tossed it aside into my office. 'I think I deserve a better present.' I said. 

Wilson looked so upset. But, hey, he's the one who thought a decorative pillow would be a good Christmas present. Oh well. I still have a first-class ticket to Cancun! And in March, I will be in paradise for a whole week! No Cuddy, no clinic duty, no having to watch Cameron and Chase make-out right in front of me... Or have secret sex in the janitor's closet. Gross! Wrong mental image right there!

'Want to go look for hotels in Cancun?' I asked. He still looked sad about me not liking the pillow, but I think he'll get over it soon. 

'After the party,' He said and then walked over to Cuddy and thanked her for the tickets. I sighed and walked over to him. He was chatting about how happy he was to finally go on a vacation… he's such a work-a-holic. But, then again, we are kind of forced to be here against our will, day after day. I guess we can't help it. Maybe I'm a work-aholic, too. Crap. That's such a horrible thing to be. 

Ok…This party really sucks. There's no crazy people getting drunk or having an eating contest of any sort. How boring. Plus, the food is cold. That makes it even worse. Who even bought the food anyways? They suck at picking out good food. I mean, where's the chocolate cake… or the alcohol… or anything that isn't disgusting for that matter? And why is it being held in _my_ office, anyway? Who said, 'Let's have our annual Christmas party in House's office'? Because who ever they are, I'll be sure to kick their ass later. 

I walked over to Cameron and Chase. They were just harmlessly talking…. No more making out, I guess. Cameron invited me to sit down, so I did. I looked at Chase. Maybe he knows I saw him kissing her. He's going down. 

It was well past nine when people started leaving. Thank God they were finally going away! I mean, Wilson and I still haven't planned our vacation! Right before Chase and Cameron were leaving, I told Chase to stay put. He did what he was told and sat down in a chair. Everyone left except for me, Chase, and Wilson. 'Clean this up,' I ordered Chase.

Of course, Chase was shocked. 'Why me?' he asked, defensively. 

I scoffed. 'Figure it out,' I said and went with Wilson into my office. I logged onto my computer and googled, "Resorts in Cancun," Tons of websites came up and we searched through most of them. Then, we came across one five-star hotel, which looked really nice. Wilson will call them after Christmas and ask how much it will cost us (actually Wilson) per night. 

The next day was Christmas. Wilson came over to my apartment and we… hung out. We didn't really celebrate or like decorate a tree or whatever, because he's Jewish and I don't believe in God. We sat on my couch watching football. I don't even know who was against whom. In fact, I didn't really care. I was wrapped up in a green blanket and I looked out the window, watching the snow fall. Wilson wasn't even watching the TV… he was asleep. I turned off the TV and went into my room to go to bed. 

Wilson spent the night and then in the morning he made pancakes. Good. I love his pancakes. Actually, I love all the food he makes. What's with Wilson and making really good food? Maybe he should have been a chef instead of an oncologist. Maybe _I_ should have picked a different profession, too. Oh well. There's no turning back now. You get what you get, and you don't have a fit. Wait. No. Scratch that. _I _can have a fit if I want to. 

After we ate, Wilson called his travel agents and they hooked us up with the fancy hotel. We were going to leave March seventeenth. Oh wait. Oh crap. This is going to be bad. I forgot all about the drunken college kids that always go to Cancun for spring break! It's like a tradition… Hell, I went when I was a senior in college! Oh shit… This can't be good.

6


	2. Airport fun

Disclaimer: I do not own House M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only. 

**House and Wilson's totally awesome trip to Mexico!**

(HAWTAT2M)

**Chapter** **2**: **"Airport fun"**

It was only one day before the trip. Wilson was over at my house and we were talking about what to pack. He had been living at my house for the past weeks. I think he wanted to save money for the trip, and not spend it on the hotel he's been living at. When will he get an apartment? He can't keep living in a hotel for the rest of his life. I'm sure he's sick of having a tiny room for a house. 

My so-called Christmas present was now turned into Wilson's official favorite pillow, and he placed it decoratively on the couch every morning when he woke up. It looked like a piece of garbage on the couch, and I told him that, but whatever. I wasn't about to take it off. Where would I put it, anyway?

I shoved a couple of t-shirts and shorts in my suitcase. I tried to close it, but it wouldn't close! Wilson came over to help and he told me I had to actually fold my clothes nicely so that they would fit. Whatever. I'm not going to waste my time _folding my clothes nicely_ and putting them in! Hell, I'll just shove them in and try to find a way to make them fit. I don't need to _fold them nicely_. 

Wilson's suitcase was way more sophisticated than mine. He neatly folded up all his clothes _color coordinated_ and put them together in… outfits? What the hell? Does it really matter? As long as you have the clothes, then who cares…right? I mean, I certainly will not waste my time folding, putting together, or even _color coordinating_ my clothes. It makes no sense to me, but then again, I'm not anything like Wilson, so I wouldn't know. 

He looked over at me trying to shove a bunch of random clothes into my suitcase and frowned. 'Maybe I can help,' he suggested. 

'No way in Hell!' I screamed. No way am I letting Sir Packs His Clothes Color Coordinated touch my suitcase. I like my big pile of clothes the way it is, and it really doesn't matter if it's organized or not. 'There's no test to see if it looks nice. They're not going to look in your luggage and tell you that you can't board the airplane until your suitcase looks more organized.' Gee. What a noob. Only Wilson could care as to what his suitcase looks like. 

After we were finished packing, I made dinner… Well, Easy Mac. I popped it in the microwave and then took it out once it was done. I set the giant bowl out on the table and also set out two smaller bowls and two forks. Wilson looked at it. 

'I should have made dinner,' Wilson said then scooped out some into his bowl. 

I just shrugged and put some in my bowl. We sat there eating for a while. I could tell Wilson didn't like it… he's more of a gourmet food kind of guy, but, whatever. Ok… yeah. This tastes like shit. Ew. Gross. Nasty. I spit it out on my napkin. 'You're making dinner next time,' I said then went into the pantry. Chips… chips… and more chips. Wait. How come I only have chips in here? What the hell? I took a bag of Doritos out and sat down at the table. 

Wilson looked at my chips and then set his fork down. He pushed his bowl aside and then held out his hands, asking for some chips. I slapped his hand and told him to get his own bag. I mean, I have like a billion bags of chips in there, after all. He got a bag of Doritos, the same flavor as mine, and got a bowl. He poured the chips in there. What a douche. No one puts chips in a bowl… You're supposed to just eat them out of the bag for God's sake! 

After we ate our chips, Wilson went to go sleep on the couch and I went into my room. It was ten thirty. I set my alarm clock for eight am. Yeah, I know. That's way too early, but our flight leaves at noon. How long does it take to get to the airport anyway? I never get to go on vacations, so I wouldn't know. Maybe Wilson does… Oh well. I think we'll be fine.

I walked into the living room. Where was Wilson? I didn't see him anywhere. Oh, wait. There he was. He was in the kitchen making… muffins? Why was he making muffins? Whatever. They better be chocolate chip. I walked over to Wilson. Nope. He was making lemon poppy seed muffins. Eh... I guess those are ok. I dipped my finger into the batter. Wilson yelled at me, but I ignored him. 

'When do we have to go?' I asked. 

Wilson shrugged. 'I guess soon,' he said and put the muffins in the oven. 'After I make my muffins. We can eat them on the plane.' He turned on the oven light and looked at them. They still looked like they did twenty seconds ago. I waited with Wilson until they were done. When the timer dinged, Wilson shot up out of his seat and put on some blue Hanukkah oven mitts. He took the muffins out and set them on the counter. Yum. They smell good. 

After Wilson loaded up the car with all of our luggage, I walked over to the muffins. They should be cooled off enough. How long does it take, after all? I grabbed one and shoved it in my mouth. Wilson sure does make the best food. Ever. I took a plastic bag out of the drawers and put all of the muffins in it. I closed the bag and then shoved it in my laptop case, which is also my carry-on bag. 

We got into Wilson's car and we drove off to the airport. I was really excited. The spring break I was waiting so long for was finally here! Three long months of waiting finally paid off. We drove into the airport and looked around for our gate. Where was the stupid Continental Airlines thing? Ah, over there. 'Wilson right there!' I screamed. He quickly stopped the car and backed up. Wow. It didn't really take that long to get to the airport. Man, I really need to go on vacation more often. 

I came around to the trunk and opened it. I took out our bags and put them on the sidewalk. I handed Wilson the handicapped sticker, but he declined and told me he'd rather save the spot for someone who actually needs it. Whatever. I'll let him walk for an hour, see if I care. He drove away to go find a parking place and told me that he'd meet me right inside. Ok… here I am, Wilson. Waiting inside… Where are you? I looked around. Come on, Wilson! We're going to miss our flight! He better hurry up, or I'm going to leave him behind and go enjoy my relaxing vacation by myself.

Ok… Ten minuets later and I'm still sitting here. People are starting to stare. God, Wilson. Where the hell are you? I looked at my watch. Twenty minuets. TWENTY. This is ridiculous. I took out my cell phone and held down number five. It rang… and rang… but then went to his voicemail? What? He _always_ picks up. Something's wrong. Ok. I'll wait for ten more minuets, and if he doesn't come, then I'll go looking for him.

Oh my God. It's been… eleven minuets?! I knew he should have taken my handicap-parking thing. What if he got lost? Maybe he couldn't find a parking spot. Maybe… wait no. I don't think he was eaten by a lion. That would be cool though. I mean, what a great story! You go to the airport to go on a nice vacation, but then a lion on the way to the baggage check-in eats your friend! Wow. Maybe I should write a best-selling novel about it. It will be called, "My friend; Lion Chow," or how about, "Eaten at the airport." But what am I kidding… There are no lions in New Jersey. 

Five more minuets have passed. Maybe he _did_ get eaten by a lion! I should get started on my story right away! Where's my laptop… Oh, wait. No. He's right over there. I stood up and walked over to him. 'Finally,' I said. 'I thought you were eaten by a lion!' And, well, he looked at me like I was crazy. But, then again, when does he _not_ look at me like I'm crazy. Well, you know what? He's pretty crazy himself. I wouldn't be talking. 

'No,' he said. 'I just couldn't find a parking space. I wasn't eaten by a lion!' There go my chances for millions... Sigh. Oh, well. I probably would have never gotten around to writing it anyway. We continued walking until we got to a very, very long line. Oh my god... Do we really have to stand in that line? Us? Me? Why? I looked around. There were a lot of people waiting in this line. Maybe we should have gotten here sooner… and maybe Wilson should have taken my handicapped pass! Stupid Wilson… What's with Wilson and doing stupid things?

Finally, after a really long time standing in that stupid line, we gave the person all of our bags… well not my laptop and muffins… and we headed towards security. Fun. This will be a really exciting day. 


	3. Up, up, and away

Disclaimer: I do not own House M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only. 

**House and Wilson's totally awesome trip to Mexico!**

(HAWTAT2M)

**Chapter** **3**: **"Up, up, and away"**

Those assholes. They took my muffins! I'm not a terrorist… I promise. I just want to eat my damn muffins! For god's sake… they are not mini-bombs. What's their problem? Thanks a lot, security people. Now, I'm sitting on this plane, starving to death. When are they going to give us food? I'm dying over here! Hello?! When I asked the flight attendant when they would feed us, she said that she didn't know. SHE DOESN'T KNOW?! That's horrible. Absolutely horrible. Damn them. Maybe I should just sleep and then food will magically appear! Yeah, I'll do that…. 

Nope. It didn't work. I was asleep for like two hours. There's no food. I'm dying. Wilson is starting to look yummy. Maybe if I just nibble on his arm a bit he won't mind…. Ok. No. He just yelled at me. That did _not_ go as planned… I need a new plan. What if I could magically go into the back of the plane and take their food. I know they have food there; don't lie to me. They keep it stored away in little fridges. Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'll steal _their_ food… see how they like it. Freaking muffin stealers! 

I got out of my seat and made my way over to the back of the plane. Wait. Where are the little fridges? I know they're back here… They've got to be here somewhere! Maybe I should ask someone? No. That'd be stupid. Then they would just tell me to "please have a seat" and then I wouldn't get _any_ food. I kept looking around for the fridges. Where are they? Crap. A flight attendant saw me. Oh shit. I'm busted. 

Never to fear; I'll play the cripple card. 

'Sir? What are you doing?' he asked. 

I put on the best phony face I could. 'Oh, I'm so sorry! I was just _so_ hungry,' Good. He looks sympathetic. What's he doing now? Oh yeah! There _are_ mini-fridges! He's getting food. Score! I took the bag of chips that he handed to me. 'Thank you so much,' I rolled my eyes and went back to my seat. 

'Where'd you get that?' Wilson asked, eyeing my chips. I told him it pays off sometimes to be crippled, and opened my bag of chips. 'Can I have one?' he asked as I shoved a handful in my mouth. I shook my head and ate some more. He looked upset. Whatever. These are my chips. I earned them and I wasn't about to let him eat any. You know, food tastes a million times better when you are starving to death on an airplane. What's up with that? 

Another couple hours passed. We are just now flying over the border, as the pilot just said, and we are heading into Mexico… Oh. Wow. _Now_ they give us food. Yeah, thanks guys. Way to make Wilson starve over here and try to steal my chips. He did get away with one or two chips, you know. That's one or two chips less for me! At least we have food now. I took a bite of my sandwich. This is the worst sandwich in the world! Oh. My. God. If they make you wait _this_ long, the food better be good. But it's not. Oh, well. It's better than nothing. And, there are only about an hour thirty minuets until we land in Cancun and eat real food. I hope there's some really good Mexican food there. 

Ok, I was wrong about the really good Mexican food. There are absolutely no Mexican restaurants here in this airport. What's the deal? This is Mexico, after all. All I see is Italian restaurants. Do they have Mexican restaurants in Italy, then? And why didn't we go there? I really want some nachos or something. Oh, a burrito sounds really good right now. Ok. We just passed like five Italian restaurants and a French restaurant. There's something wrong here. Maybe we're in Italy and I'm hallucinating. I mean, Spanish is very similar to Italian. I bet we actually _are_ in Italy! It's a cornucopia of confusing concepts. This is very strange. 

You know what else is very strange? We're at this money exchange thing, and one American dollar is about ten pesos… So basically, you just move the decimal over one place. Because I was about to say, hey, you know, one hundred dollars is a lot for a margarita. Yet, ten dollars is a lot too. Whatever. 

So… here we are. In Mexico. Wilson and I are sitting here at a restaurant called Maggiano's. Guess what. It's an Italian restaurant. Wilson and I shared lasagna. I paid the bill, I mean what the hay… Wilson's probably going to pay for the whole vacation, so why not just pay for one meal? Even if it is… TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS?! Oh, wait. No. That's two hundred _pesos_, which is twenty dollars. My bad. Momentarily freak-outs are never good. 

We went to the baggage claim after we ate. The trick is that you get your bags after the crowd is gone, and then all that's left are _your_ bags! No crowds, no stress. Wilson taught me that. (He's gone on a lot of honeymoons!) We got our bags and took a free luggage cart. Hey. They're free here! Who knew? This is great already. 

Wilson got us a taxi and I hopped in. Wilson put all of our luggage in the trunk, got in the car, and sat down next to me. What? He put his seatbelt on? That's stupid. No body does that in taxis. Oh, get this. He told me to put mine on, too. Fine, fine. I'll put it on. But he's paying for the room. I made a silent deal with him. Only… he doesn't know about this deal quite yet… He'll get over it. 

I looked at every single detail of this place. Ooh, a real Mexican restaurant! I'll be sure to go there later. We passed some hotels. Which one is ours? Ooh! That one looks nice… nope that's not it. That one looks like castle! Why aren't we staying _there_? Ew. That one's ugly. It's white and it slants upwards. Wait. Oh my god. We're slowing down? Is this our hotel!? Oh. Good. It's not. We turned into a different one, next to the ugly one. Wow. It looks like a tiki-hut. What the hell? 

This is so cool! I got outside of the taxi and all these people came rushing around is, taking our bags. We're in this sort of tiki-hut thing… only we're outside. It's kind of hard to describe. There are two escalators; one is going up and one is going down. There's a waterfall in the middle of them. Wow. There are so many trees and plants here! I went upstairs on the escalator and looked around. There were a lot of people walking around in bathing suits.

Wait. This is confusing. Are we outside, or are we inside? It seems like we are inside, only there's a nice cool breeze! We walked over to the check-in desk and they gave us a key-card. We walked down three steps and then we were in a lobby. There was a little café called the orange café. There were orange tables and chairs. That's why it's called the orange café! There was also a waterfall there, too. They seem to like waterfalls here.

We walked down a hallway, with a picture of a tiger at the end, and then we went down five steps and walked over to the elevator. I saw a sign that said "Pool" and then there was an arrow. 'Wilson! We've got to go check out the pool!'

'After we get settled in,' he said and we hopped on the elevator. Wilson pressed button to floor six and the elevator went up… really fast. I looked at the buttons. Where was floor two? Maybe two is an unlucky number here, like thirteen is in America. 

I slid the key card into the door and it flashed green. I win! Where's my prize? We walked into the room and looked around. It was very nice and it had a porch looking out to the ocean. We dumped all of our bags on the floor and I dug through my pile of clothes. Where the hell is my swimsuit? Wilson carefully opened his suitcase and got his swimsuit out ever so easily and he went into the bathroom to change. 

Ah, there it is. I pulled it out and then slipped it on. Alrighty. I'm ready to go! Hurry up, Wilson! He came out and then we left the room and went back into the elevator. Nice relaxing vacation, here I come! 


	4. Dinner with a creepy stalker guy

Disclaimer: I do not own House M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only. 

**House and Wilson's totally awesome trip to Mexico!**

(HAWTAT2M)

**Chapter** **4**: **"Dinner with a creepy stalker guy"**

Wow. This place is amazing. There are five pools and a ton of beach chairs. There's also a restaurant that delivers your food to you on the beach! And… is that what I think it is? It is! A swim up bar! No way. There's a swim up bar here! This place is so unbelievable! 

Wilson and I got some beach towels and we laid them down on two chairs that looked out at the ocean. I plopped myself down at watched the waves. Wow. They were going really high; it wasn't calm at all. Well, it was really windy, so what can you expect? I wounder what it would be like to be drunk and swim through _those_ waves. 

The sun was setting and people were starting to leave. I think we got here a little late to get lunch delivered to us on the beach. Although, I did hear, when we were checking in, that there were two dinner restaurants in this hotel. Awesome! But, here's the catch: They are both Italian restaurants. Ok. Seriously? There are enough Italian restaurants in this city, thank you. We don't need anymore. 

After we sat there and talked for a bit, we returned our towels and we went back into our room to get dressed for dinner. Wait. Why did we even bother getting our swimsuits on if we weren't going to go swimming? Oh, well. We'll probably actually go swimming tomorrow. 

We went downstairs and walked through the hallway with the picture of the tiger, and we saw one of the restaurants. It was called "Rosato," or something like that. I guess that's like some fancy Italian word. Wow. Someone opened the door for us. How nice. 

I heard Wilson make a surprised noise. I looked over to my right. Ha ha! He tripped over the two stairs. Ok, I'm laughing so hard right now. What a loser! He tripped while going to a fancy restaurant! I'm going to make fun of him forever about this. I will never let him live this down. Ha. His face is bright red. Aww, little Wilsie is so embarrassed… I love it. 

After taking our seats, we were quickly asked for what we wanted to drink. Maybe I should get a drink. An apple martini sounds good. No. Wilson's ordering it. I need to get something different… Erm, a beer? No. Not at a fancy restaurant like this. Ok. I'll just get water. EIGHT-DOLLAR WATER. Oh wow. That's bullshit. Water shouldn't be this expensive. Whatever. We have that all-inclusive thing, so all of the food is free… with the fee of the deal, but whatever. I like to _think_ that it's free. Makes me feel important. Or free. Or… whatever. You get the point.

I ordered spaghetti. I guess that's what most people order at Italian restaurants. Wilson got lasagna, again. I have no idea as to why; I mean we had it for lunch after all. Don't normal people get sick of it after a while? I know I do. But, then again, Wilson isn't normal, so the rules don't apply to him. I wish rules didn't apply for me, either. 

Ok. This is taking so long to get our dang, stinking food. And, the waiter is pacing up and down. Will he ever leave us alone? He keeps on asking if we want bread. NO! I DON'T WANT BREAD. God, if I eat any more bread, I swear I'm going to blow up or something. 

That guy is starting to creep me out. When will he go away? We're like the only people in this restaurant so he's like _stalking_ us. Wait. Why are there no people here? Wilson told me it's because people in Mexico usually eat later in the day. It was still pretty early in the night, and this restaurant closes at eleven. That makes sense.

Wilson's appletini is here. Man, it looks good. I so should have ordered that. I watched him as he tried to squeeze the little apple sliver that was on the side of the glass into the drink? What the hell? 'Wilson! You're not supposed to squeeze the apple in there!' I yelled at him? What was he thinking? A little chunk of the apple was floating in the drink.

He looked down at it. 'Oh. I thought it was a lime, or something,' he said. I was laughing so hard. I can't breathe… can't breathe. Help! First the tripping and now _this_? Oh, man this is great! Wait until I tell Cuddy! Wilson is now giving me the evil please-shut-up-or-I'm-going-to-kill-you stare. I kept laughing at his expense. What a noob. 

Oh, good. The food is finally here. Wow. It looks awesome! How did they get it to be in such a perfect clump like that? The creepy stalker guy asked if I want some Parmesan cheese. Erm, no. I'll pass on that. How 'bout if you leave? That would make me happy. 

Good. Is he leaving? Yes! Yes! Finally, creepy stalker guy is gone! Wait, no he's coming back. Damn it. Someone really needs to tell him to like go away or something; he's really starting to annoy the shit out of me. He should just leave us all alone. Other people in the restaurant look pretty pissed off at him, too. We're not alone, Wilson; don't worry. 

I slurped my spaghetti. Yummy. Wilson just told me stop. Whatever. I'm not going to listen to him, are you kidding me? 

After five minuets of slurping, some sauce came off and it got in my eye! Ow! Oh my god! That hurts! 'I GOT SAUCE IN MY EYE!' I screamed. It burns! I'll be sure to make a mental note of this: never slurp spaghetti ever again. Ever. Bad idea right there. Ok. Better now. Wilson laughed at me. Asshole. I continued to eat my spaghetti. 

Creepy stalker guy walked over to me. No. Go away. Leave me alone. I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't need more bread or anything. Next time he comes over here, I'm going to kick his ass. 

Wilson was almost finished with his lasagna and I was almost done too. Oh, no. Is creepy stalker guy coming back here? AGAIN? My god! Leave me alone already! He asked me if I wanted bread. 'NO!' I screamed at him and stood up. 'I DON'T WANT ANY MORE BREAD! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON'T PACE UP AND DOWN THESE FLOORS AND STALK US! LEAVE US ALONE FOR GOD'S SAKE!' There was silence in the restaurant. Creepy stalker guy looked like he was about to cry. Oh, suck it up… And go away, while you're at it. 

Yes! Finally! He's gone! Creepy stalker guy finally left! I could tell that the other people in the restaurant were relieved as well. 

'Thank you!' Wilson whispered to me. He was happy that he was gone, too. Weren't we all? Creepy stalker guy came back after ten minuets and took our plates. He asked our room number. 'Six eighty-nine,' Wilson told him and signed the check. Apart from the stalking waiter, this food was pretty bitchin. We are so coming back here again. Maybe next time Creepy stalker guy won't be here. 

4


	5. The party hotel

Disclaimer: I do not own House M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only. 

**House and Wilson's totally awesome trip to Mexico!**

(HAWTAT2M)

**Chapter** **5**: **"The party hotel"**

I plopped down on my bed. What? Why is this bed so hard? It's like a freaking rock! Wilson didn't like his rock bed either. Maybe all beds here are as hard as bricks here. I think I heard that from somewhere… that all beds in these nice fancy resorts are really uncomfortable for some reason. Who knows? All I know is that I'm going to wake up tomorrow aching all over… I'll get over it.

It was only nine. Wilson and I were not tired at all. I turned on the TV. Ooh! Discovery channel! Wait…why is it in all Spanish? Shut up! I can't understand you! Speak English! Ugh. I sighed and turned the TV off. 

'Want to go for a walk and explore?' Wilson suggested. Sure. Why not? There's nothing better to do in this hotel room. Sooo boring. How does Wilson stand this everyday? But, then again, at his hotel the TV is in English… Whatever. I got my tennis shoes on ad I grabbed the key card. Don't want to forget that! We left the room and closed the door.

We walked into the lobby and went over to escalator. No way. It's not working? How am I supposed to get down the stairs?! Being crippled has its advantages, but then it also has its downfalls. _Literally_. I fell down the stairs a couple times. 

I finally made it to the bottom alive, and I caught my breath. Wow. That was harsh. I'm finding an elevator next time. I don't think I'll survive the next couple falls. Wilson helped me, and all, but it really didn't make much of a difference. I was a poor, helpless, defenseless, little kitten, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

It was pretty dark out. There were only a few streetlights and we were walking down a sidewalk to the street. Wow. There are a lot of plants and trees here. They must have a really good climate for growing things here. Oh crap. Sprinklers!? Damn it. They are the kind that rotates! I really wish I had an umbrella or something. Hmm. That catchy song just played in my head. Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh…. What a great song! 

We walked down the street. Oh no. It's the ugly hotel with the slanted-ness. What's with all the teenagers? Maybe that's the "party hotel" everyone was talking about. Gee. Could they be any louder? 

Some kids were throwing a football around. It better not hit me. It fell in the street. Great. What's that kid doing? Oh my god! He's running in the street to get it! Are there any cars? No. No cars. What's he doing now? Oh, no. Is he approaching us? Yes… he is. Run!

'Apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur!' he sang. Wilson and I stared at him. Wow. I really hope I don't act this way when _I'm_ drunk. Maybe we should check this hotel out. We walked closer to the hotel. There were plenty of drunken kids walking around. Most of them had beer bottles. Oh, yuck. Are they even allowed to just throw their beer bottles on the ground like that? I'm surprised they haven't been kicked out yet. 

Whoa. No way. No freaking way! Grab the video camera! I quickly turned on my camera and pointed it at the hotel. 'Oh my god! Wilson! Do you see this?' I asked and started filming.

He stared up at the kids. 'I see it. I just don't believe it,' he said.

There were some idiots scaling the walls on the hotel! I never thought that there would ever be a better time to say this, but what the hell? Seriously? Even I didn't do that crazy of things when I was in college. He could fall and get hurt! Oh no. Now I'm sounding like Wilson. Great. 

That guy is so busted. Some hotel employees are yelling at him. This will make such a great YouTube video! I'm so putting this up tonight… Hopefully I have free wireless Internet in my room. 

Wilson decided that this was way too crazy for him and that we should go back immediately. Seriously? This is awesome! I can't wait to show everyone this video back home! What a great story! No. I'm not leaving. I need more footage! You know, some day, we will look back at this video and laugh so hard. 

OH MY GOD! Some kid just jumped from his balcony! Yes! I got that on film. It's a good thing I brought my camera; Cuddy would never believe this.

'Shut up, Wilson! This is so great!' Wilson is trying to make me leave. He said I could get hurt. Me? No way. 

'Ugh… fine. I'm coming…' So, we left the crime scene and we went back to our hotel. Wow. What an exciting night! This place is awesome! We went back up the escalator and went back into our room. Gee, I'm tired. This whole time changing thing really wears you out!

Wilson sat down on his bed. 'Oh, I forgot to tell you!' he said. Oh, shit. This better not be bad. 'I made reservations for tomorrow to go swim with the dolphins!' He WHAT!? This is horrible. 'We have to leave at nine tomorrow.'

No way. _No way_. I'm _so_ not going swimming with some stupid dolphins! 'Wait… you _and_ me?' Maybe he's just going. Maybe I don't have to! I crossed my fingers. 

'Yes, of course! It will be awesome!' he said. NOOOOOOOOOO!! I have a bad feeling about this…


End file.
